The Big Birthday Party

Riding With Street Racers

Nine Pages of Drunken Work Notes. It’s here to view if you want to wade through it. I do not promise there is anything interesting or makes sense. The typos are atrocious. Good luck.

4:06am. Just got home from Fai, Candy and Joey’s birthday. I knew it was going to be a blow out. Way too many dice games and drinking games, although I think they let me off easy really because I wouldn’t join for ages, and the whiskey was very diluted with tea. I never had sweetened tea with whiskey before. So much better than coke.

We started out at the garage as usual, just a few of us, Joey, Calvin, Fai, Fu Gei, Candy and me. Joey was like, “oh my god you look good! I have never seen you look good before.” True, they have always seen me in either work clothes of neighbourhood clothes, I mean really, I am not going to do my hair and put on make up to go to the market down the street am i? So I realized I have a reputation of being terrible dressed, and it’s true, Candy and Fai is always on about me doing my hair, but I just gotten used to it by now. After all these years, I know whenever they run out of things to say, then it’s about something of my appearance which of course is a little strange compared to them.

Today, I rode with Fu down to the resturant. I love that place. It always serves hot pots and rice. They always get food I never would order on my own and that’s always good. Like today it was taro and duck put, pork bone bowl, with chicken feet, pork in the soup with the fire underneath, and then black bean clams. The clams were a little nasty, so we left it. I really like that kind of food and I never get to eat it because my family don’t eat in those little questionably clean neighbourhood places, and unless you’re in a group, Chinese food is a little difficult to order. I went there before with Tim and Zimara, and all the vidotage/ green peace crew.

Actually Ellen ended up with a book of her works. I saw it in the bookshop. I like her but I thought it was a little premature for her to have a retrospective. But of course she is first in the whole video documentary thing in Hong Kong, and the short films. I really should look her up and say congrats on getting a book out. She would probably be like, “Oh it’s nothing,” and then I would not really feel like congradulating her. She can be such a typical angry old skool lesbian you know? Maybe she is happier now. Those were not good times in HK and everyone was hyper miserable. Economy just died, everyone was struggline… I think her girlfriend lili got another book out. I have to say that it’s so great to be able to be partners with someone who can also be published… it’s cool. I don’t know why they don’t see it, I know that everyone say’s it’s just humble, but honestly they don’t seem to be happy with that and so few people get that far up in the ladder really. Everyone is struggling with their art, and getting even a little bit of reconition is great, I think it’s a little rude sometimes that when other people aren’t where they are at, and they don’t seem to think it’s anything. I don’t know. Bit of pride and happiness.

Am I rambling? Yes. But if I don’t put it down right now, I know I never would. How many times have I gone racing and wrote a million bits of paper and never typed it out. So here we go. I am sooo drunk tho.

Back to the topic, after we finsiehd didnner we had to do the whole, work out which car is which thing again, and since Fai’s car the back is really small, and two door, I switch to calvin and Joey’s car. Two door. We go meet up with War, and his girlfriend, Maggie.

But first I asked Calvin and Joey what they did. Joey is a sales girl in shop in central, Calvin used to be a hair dresser, but now is unemployed, it’s scary some times to think how many of them become unemployed, even when they used to work, He was telling me how the economy just died, no one wants to spend money anymore, and I said, I totally agree as when I was working dotcom it was like a different world and he was saying year, five years ago he was making such good money, and now he wants to change careers but don’t know how and where to go.

Fu gei, also got a new car. I turano. I don’t understand how he can keep changing cars. He doesn’t have a job. I see him everyday hanging out with Fai, or actually hanging out at Fai’s garage. I asked him, “What DO you DO?” and he said, “Nothing. I want to help Fai work on cars.” And I was like, “Okay, how can you keep buying new cars??: and he said, “My family helps out.” This is the one thing I don’t understand about these kids. They are not rich, thus their family is not rich, but somehow they would give their kid enough money to buy a car. I really want to understand that aspect of their lives. Like how can you give your 20 year old son a new car every six months? I know it’s second hand but…

And of course to add to the drama of it all, Fu Gei’s ex girlfriend maybe is pregnant. I don’t know, she’s two days late with her period supposedly, I just made a face. Two days. Okay. Maybe she wants him back, maybe she’s trying to get him back. Fu said something about “being manipulated into it.” We all just burst out laughing. “She forced you into bed! That’s right.” “How can a man be taken advantage of.” He really got it from everyone, but he just put his head down and kept eating. He is really such a sweet boy, yet so lost. I actually feel worried about him. Like a big sister. I mean, like at the end of tonight, when we were all paying for the bill, one of those hello kitty magnets fell out of my wallet, and War said, “That’s your.s’ and I was like, “Yeah, I have a million. Do you want one?” and gave it to him. And Fu Gei is like, “Oh, why don’t you give one to me??” So I rummaged in my bag and came out with two more. I watched him open it, so quick and he was like, “Oh do you have more you are so lucky. I don’t have the 1989 one and I really wanted it.” And I stood there looking at this kid thinking, “What are you going to do???” You’re still such a little boy that you want to collect all the hello kitty magnets, starting from the 70s to now, every year but you have a 16 year old ex girlfriend who might be having your kid sitting at home… and like, if she is pregnant, he’s going to have to marry her, that is if her parents allow, since you have to be 18 to get married without parental consent in HK. The other girls were saying how he could go to jail for statutory rape if he doesn’t marry her and her family won’t sign the papers. But I explained that is untrue. That the age of consent is 16 so he is fine, because she is over that, she just can’t get married. I am always always shocked how their information is wrong, I know I am extra aware, but it’s like, how can these people make life decisions sometimes, with all the wrong facts? And even if they want to know all the right facts, where do they get it. It’s not like the age of consent is written up in the papers and magazines, I just know because of school or something.

Anyway. Back to the whole thing of, What the hell is Fu going to do? He’s like the littlest boy with a fast car, and no clue what is his life, with parents who spoil him obviously. Nightmare. I guess if he has a kid then his parents will support him, the kid and his wife too. That happens a lot over here, I can think of two other people who are like that. I don’t know. It doesn’t help the kid at all to be so coddled. One day they have to grow up and it’s going to be a bit of a shock. So anyway, I will I suppose gather up these magnets and give some to him. It’s so weird how these absolutely annoying bits of magnets from 711 can figure so prominanatly in my notes of my neighbourhood. I talked about it last time too.

Also in the end of the night, I asked where Fu is to Kwok, And he said he was over hitting on some girl. And I was like, “Doesn’t he have someone at home?” and he goes, “Oh they broke up.” I didn’t say anything, because Kwok doesn’t know the news I am not going to gossip. Anyway, at the end of the night, Fu was supposed to drive me home, but somehow I found that there was another girl in the car. I have no idea where she came from, if she was part of the group, if that was the girl he was hitting on, or that was his girlfriend. Either or he sorta slunk out of driving me and another guy in a yellow shirt drove me instead. Actually I preferred it, coz he is a mature, had a two door senseible car. Is one of Fai’s customers, and so since everyone is driving under the influence, I have to admit I prefer the grown man opposed to the little boy.

I was just telling the guy in the yellow shirt how I am actually glad he is drinving me, and he said, “You know, driving when you’re drunk is all about keeping it together, know where your limits are, and really use your Yi Zi Lick (Intent determination strength) to drive properly. Just as we were talking, Fu comes speeding across the damn round flyover and slides the car, and I can hear the screeches. I knew he was trying to show of a little bit and of course he was waving at us. I was like, “See what I mean.” And the guy was like, “It’s very difficult to remember the Sum Tai of just getting your licience for the first time. Now I am grown, I know to be sensible but when I was his age, I was just the same.” And I have to admit, when I was his age, I probably was exactly the same. A totally idiot in the car too. I was a very risky driver and to be honest, probably drove under the influence more time than I should, thinking I was “Okay” when I wasn’t. But I have to say, I never drank right up to the last moment and get into the car like all the of the boys did tonight. I spent many many hours in parking lots and dennys… eating food, drinking coffee before I got into the car. But really, who knows. I can’t remember being 20 that well anymore. In many ways, I was a far crazier kid than all of them at that age.

In the two years since I have met them, I honestly have never ever ever seen them drink and drive. The most is a few beers, but tonight they were playing drinking games and skulling whiskey. It’s like a weird thing where on one hand I think, Well they are responsible all the other times so it’s okay, but while I was in the car, I realized, it only takes that one time they are all drunk to cause an accident isn’t it? One time. But what to do. I can’t say shit, and I have nothing to judge as I am drinking with them, and I am riding in their cars. I did think of saying, “I am going to catch a taxi” but that’s just a bit drama queenish isn’t it? I don’t know. I mean I am having a hard time typing let alone if I had to drive. But I nearly did make Fu give me his keys. If there was a choice between me and him.

I probably trust myself because I know I would be going extremely slow. That’s so crazy in a way, when I am with them, I would think like that. If it’s any other time in life, with my real friends, I would be so insistent on that no one drives and we’re all bloody catching cabs. But my friends all went to college and it’s such a different game. I can’t even explain it. I never would have thought this until I hung out with these guys really. Maybe only with Bobby’s friends in east LA. Just like sometimes you can’t reason with them, because they don’t have the cultural literacy to begin with. And as I always think. It’s not just the lack of education, it’s also a difficultly in learning because it school wasn’t hard, then maybe they would have stayed on. It’s a totally chicken and egg situation. Like with Salome, and her kids in bronx there I taught for a day, and I could see those kids having serious serious learning disabilities, but what to do? Give up on then or fight for funding the government don’t want to give, to make sure they can at least read. It would not suprize me if we did some literacy tests on some of them, they won’t pass. I mean, I could see how hard she was trying to make it interesting for the kids and trying to make them learn, but really you know a lot of them will just slip through the cracks. Half the time when I am with the street racers, its like reading case studies of the under privilage in college, you really see and understand what the problems are. And the rest of the world have no idea because the rest of the world do not have the time to sit and talk to them.

And the rest of the world is like.. look at those stupid irresponsible people.. yeah… I know, but when I hang with them, I think, put anyone in that situation and that’s like what you will be too. I sure as hell would be like that too.. I can tell you the reason some people get out, like Bobby got out, is because he was of above average intelligence, to begin with and there was no stopping him, because he knew he was better than the crap he was surrounded by. But what if you don’t really realize the crap you are surrounded by or not know how to get out? Even if you do. You deal. You do things to make that life livable. Think Street Racing, think raves, think seeing Bollywood movies in India. My god, it was so swful there that all I wanted to do was watch movies. I really understood why India is the second largest movie producing country and maybe why HK is third and why Hollywood boomed during the depression era. When things are shit. You gotta escape. I tried watching Bollywood films in HK, and they are interesting at best. Seeing them in India was like, the world I would like to be in right that moment and I get a chance to feel what it is in a house, ohhh. Drive a nice car… oh be beautiful… dance, have a good family. I really really felt it, so desperately. My real life seemed so far away from that. And I spent a whole three weeks in the country I think. Maybe a month. I could go home. I deeply still believe people who tell me they love India to travel somehow live in dream world. Actually that is true the people I know who loved being in India, they do live in a world of their own. Floating inwards all the time.

Back to tanget. Back FROM tangent. Talking about above intelligence. Kwok, I never knew how smart he is until TVB interviewed him. I was sitting there watching him talk about why he races, and answering the questions, and it blue me away. He really verbalized the answers that I could only sum up on my own. Not really said to be straight up. Like I could piece it all together through the years of seeing them on and off. But there he was, verbalizing each idea so well. Capturing what they others could not say but felt. Anyway, tonight I spent a huge amount of time with him and his girlfriend, who I have never met. We sat and talked for ages, me and her. She said a lot of smart things to me, and like answered my questions about her life and his life, and we really talked. I gave her my number. And I thought it makes a lot of sense that the two of them are together. As they really have something within them. She’s a waitress. I asked her a lot of questions about being waitress, I don’t know any of these people before. You know. They pass me by much like I pass them by. We have functional relationships, but I was fascinated to talk to her. She and Kwok taught me how to play dice. After six years back home and numerous people trying to explain it to me, I finally got it. I had a lot of fun with it. Until now, I could not see how people could sit and do it for hours while they drink. I thought it must be the dullest activity in a bar. But actually it was hilariously fun, and somehow you get better playing it, the drunker you get. Actually even though at the beginning of the night, I thought this could be pretty bad because I was sittng by myself for most of it. Kwok and his girlfriend really made it. I ended up talking to her about all sorts of things. Like taught her to play western poker. Talked about Tarot cards, my job, what Australia is like, as my parents live in the suburbs, and just how difficult it is to get to th center of town. A real conversation. And how neither of us can do the karaoke thing on our own, and in that bar there was a karaoke machine right there, for everyone to hear and watch. And a few of the peole really did sit there all night and sing. But they were good at it at least.

I thought it was creepy the way sometimes me and crystal would get the exact same configurations of dice, and how the patterns kept coming out. I don’t know how to explain it, but we were a little creeped out of it. I am sure if we looked at the probability it wouldn’t be actually that scary, but when three people roll five dice each and see your and the other person’s dice come out with the exact same configuration, you kind do think about chance, and luck. That American-Korean writer…
“The Chinese believe in good luck. The Japanese do not believe in luck but hard work, the Koreans believe in bad luck.” As I was playing it. I thought if you play dice long enough, you’re gonna have to believe in luck and fate.

At the evil skulling game they played 7,8.9. you have a bowl on top of glass, a really small one, and then everytime you roll a 7 you top up the drink, roll 8 you drink half the glass, 9 you have to do the whole glass. If the dice falls oout of the tiny bowl, that’s half a glass. And if you get double it goes backwards. My god, it kept coming back to the boys, over and over, and as we sat and watched, they just got more and more drunk and I was thinking, it is luck, because if that happened to me or the other girls at the end of the table, that the numbers kept coming back and forth to us.Everyone of us would be throwing up. No question.

The bar we went to was in TST somewhere, on Kimberly. But I have never seen or heard or would ever ever go there by myself. It was in a tiny mall, around the corner, up some staircases. All dark, has the TVs, the flourecent light, (btw Kent 5 has glow design on their packages, I have never seen it because I never go to florecent light bars)… It’s like the only reason we went was their friend Carmen works there, I mean, unless you know you would never find it, and unless you go with a group of friends, I think that place would be no fun. And in the middle of the night there was some Carlsburg competition with mini ping pong, the size of a lap top, and mini paddles something about having to play it for back and forth for ten times, and you can win up to $1000, a DVD player, and a Sony Ericson phone. I mean there were like 10 packages and you have to pick the right one, but I was thinking. We should have bought carlsburg, because then you can join the game.I mean, I wouldn’t mind winning any of those things… damn it!

And actually Have to say that I kind feel I can’t justify my spending anymore, I mean the whole night came to $135 plus $35 for dinner. I play more for a dinner on Friday, not even including drinks. But I guess I would feel so uncomfortable in those bars if I wasn’t with about 15 people, and it’s more their territory. At the end of the evening, when they were sorting out the bill. And they had the calculator out, and sitting around the table, all the guys. I could have been in any triad movie scene. Not that any of them are, but just the whole look of the place. It was crazy. I was thinking maybe I have never actually been somewhere like that at all.

Also when we were in the car, Joey and Maggie got really excited about their friend being able to get them a discount on the new LV line. I was staring at Maggie’s LV bag. Thinking, you know that’s $4000 straight up. She probably earns $8000 max a month. And it’s true that all the secretaries are the people who carry the designer bags, and all the managers at our company never did, and it was the same for my friends. She was saying how 4 female managers in her company none of them had a designer bag for a shoot and they had to ask the secretary to lend them there. It’s always been such a total mystery to me, how that can be. And my excuse of never having owning a LV bag is because people might confuse me with the secretary, as if it’s not bad enough people confuse me with the messenger when I walk in an office in my jeans. But it did strike me tonight is that these girls do not have space, do not have luxury, and like, why not get a designer bag, something that is luxiourous, that they can carry with them always, something they can keep. I mean I would spend it on a holiday but to them that’s wasting a lot of money for just two weeks and it will be gone, and here with the bag, it will be day by day, they can have it. I really should ask them, WHY? I mean its just the two of them, Not the other girls. Or maybe its that they make so little money, and sales girl is kinda a shit job, that its nice to walk down the street making people think you’re rich. Like the scene in Suzie Wong (My god am I actually referring anything to that book?) and Suzie pretends she is a rich girl on holiday catching a star ferry for fun, instead of being the prostitute. Escape Escape Escape. Cars, bags, movies.

The other thing that struck me was how stable a lot of their relationships were, how well they treat each other, and how much they comprimise for each other. I think that, like how one of the guys was saying maybe they would get married on holiday and the other ones were like, “You can’t not have a banquet. It’s once in a life time!!” and admonishing the other. And I think, “Who in my world believes in once in a life time anymore?” I mean even if they secretly think that and would like it to be, no one really says it anymore. It’s like we’re all too too cynical about relationships maybe, that it won’t work, it won’t be forever and here these people still do because in someways they are very traditional. And that going out with someone for 4 years isn’t so long. I said to Crystal how long have you been with Kwok? She goes, “a year and a half,” and she asks me, “Do you think that is short?” and I said, “No, that’s pretty long.” And she goes, “I think that too.” And we laugh. I said, “I wonder how sometimes you just meet someone and you stay with them forever, don’t people want to try out and see what’s out there?” and she said, “Depends right. Some people think, if I go out maybe I won’t find that better person and therefore I should just settle for this one.” And I said, “you?” and she went, “He’s very good to me, even sometimes when I am angry and it’s my fault, he would say sorry first, and he’s just very good to me.’ So I went “Great.” And I think how I watch so many people’s relationships fall apart and apart and apart and treat each other like shit, and I think funny. Here are these people whose live is so much more difficult than ours but they got this kind of stability that I so seldom see now. I mean, really, sometimes I actually see what all the conservatives talk about when they want more of the past back to the now when I am with them. But then it’s like, “Would you live that life?” and it’s always a “no.” it’s like no matter how quaint third world country feels, that the people are happy with nothing, and that we in the first world country has so much yet we are so dissatisfied and it’s idealize. Well it’s like, yeah, but who are we to say that they shouldn’t have it? Like I can look back at them and go, “Hmm. Nice.” But would I give up the freedoms I have had, and it’s part of the progress in life that people move towards gaining that all the time. There is a reason the world went the way it did. Otherwise if people were happy with the constriction, there never would have been any kind of change in the first place.

Oh why was I on about that. Yeah, I kept asking Crystal if she knew Kwok was a racer and how she felt about it. And she said she didn’t really find out until three months into it, and they went out by he was in his mom’s car. Seemed he kept borrowing his mother’s car to take her out, and he took her out with them while driving behind. I said, “What did you think” and she said, “it’s okay. He treats me good.” And I said, “Do you like it?” “She said, “I can’t ask him to change, I can’t make him stay in the house. But he does not go all out if I am sitting in the car with him.” I said, “some girlfriends really like it.” And she said, “Some girlsfriends can’t stand it because they know that it takes once to crash, and youre’ in the middle of it. And it’s over.” And I am like, “Yeah, sometimes I think that too.”

And actually the person who drove me home, We were talking about crashing cars, and I said, “yeah, I so remember the pain of crashing my car.” And he said, “Me too, but after you work out that you have all your body, the next thought is. What’s the damage? How did my car fair?” and we laugh. Because it’s so true.

When I left, I also realized that of the orignal crew I met fai and Candy with. In fact I am the ONLY person who attended the birthday. Lai didn’t come, Alex of course didn’t come, shit I wish he would do something about the his dog. It’s so flea ridden I want to adopt it out of ending it’s misery. Bowie, 9, all that was not there. But they didn’t really race with Fai at all. Much more with Lai. But thinking about it, I never even see him at the shop either. Michael is not there, of course. Calvin is not there. Funny. Those guys were always around for business reasons, and as things moved on, they did too. I am trying to think how long they have know each of those people. But I also know they might have been in the background and I don’t recnise them. There is always such a huge number of faces in the dark, and they come and go, I might have sat down with them and talked before like a year ago,but don’t remember. I had a really nice time actually tonight. It’s like.. the first time really that I enjoyed myself for myself. I leant them my digicam, and let them take as many photos with it as they wanted, and even tho I haven’t given them any footage, I really will put them on a (10, I counted) and hand them out. Because I just have to do it. Maybe I should bring my lap top down one day when they are all hanging and show them the photos on my screen. That would be quite cool actually. And they would all be so horrified that my computer costs as much as a second hand car, Kwok always asks me why I don’t own one, and I tell him it’s too expensive and he tells me how it’s cheap really. And when I told them I had a new computer he said it must cost about the same, and I was like, “Yeah. But I love computers. Like you love cars.”

Other thoughts to mention. Candy had silver calf length high heels on. Her sister was wearing this pretty low cut top tonight. He boyfriend seemed a good deal younger and had the total hip hop boy look. Funny how candy seems so much more conservative than her older sister. Fu Gei was playing Dido. I still wonder what is the point of having such great car systems when they generally play canto pop where the production value of the songs are Nil. I see why everyone says that War Gei’s new girlfriend Carmen kicks ass. She really does. Mad girl. Not like the last annoying one at all. WarGei tried to help her drink her turn as she rolled a nine, and she was like, “Nope. And drank it all herself.” The last one would sit there and pout and force him to drink and an bickering would occur. Oh and Kwok and Crystal was sorta kissing as I was sitting back down and I was like, “Go get a room guys, I want my seat back.” And she goes, “I am not that open. I am not that kind of girl.” I just smirked because i was just having a conversation with someone who said he didn’t believe that sentence had any kind of meaning what so ever because “that kind of girl exists in everyone, and it’s the circumstance, makes someone act that way.” And I was disagreeing. And I looked at crystal and I was like, “No one is not that kind of girl. You just saying.” So maybe he is right. Ha ha.

Okay it’s 6:17am. I think I have written every thought I had that night down by now. I know so much about these guys, and you know. I still can’t remember what car and what year they all drive.