Part of the Search when I was noble, before it got all convoluted in my head. The topic that most interested me was why they race. What were the reasons these guys went that fast on the roads, what was it that they got out of it?
There are loads of reasons. I could list them, I could tell you what they say. But right now as I am trying to undo all those knots that is now known to be “My Film that isn’t going anywhere very very fast” this is what I think. It will all change tomorrow no doubt, but here it is:
For most of these people, every day is the same. They wake up and they go to work, they make hardly enough money to live. They can’t afford their own apartments, they live with their parents in 300 square foot apartments. Five to a place like that. Maybe even a dog, maybe a grandparent or two. Even a live in girlfriend or their brother’s or sister’s live in girlfriend, sometimes an uncle whose got nowhere to go. There is hardly any furniture, just pull out stuff. They sleep in the living room. There is no privacy, no space.
Just the TV blaring at all times, the windows look into the apartment next to them. A room with a stove called a kitchen, a toilet that doesn’t even have a shower or a bath, just one room with a shower and a sink.
They go home and eat, and they get up and go to work again. And there is no way that they lives will get any better. There will be no promotions. If they are lucky they might have their own business, but none of it will really improve much. They don’t have any real business sense to make it go better. They can’t get any loans to help them promote and they don’t know how to or even think about it.
Life is pretty dull. They know that. And the only thing they have which would give them some space is their cars. The only time they have any privacy, and a place where they can think. And it’s the only thing that makes life a little different. Because if you start doing this you can die. That makes it exciting. The lure of death and the lure of the unknown. Otherwise life is the same day after day after day.
It’s the only that can make it something different. You might be able to go faster, and you might be able to make your car faster and beat that person or you might end up in hospital, or off the edge of the cliff.
Humans as much as we like to be able to predict the future, also thrive on the unknown. And racing real fast on tiny roads with no railings, that touch of possibility for it to end part of the lure. Forget everything else. Death, the end, no more thinking about the boredom ahead, the next 50 years of life.
I know this. I was there for very different reasons. And I think maybe that was the thrill I got from riding with them too, which is why in some ways they let me in so quickly. And as I stopped having that death wish, is also why we started growing apart, and why I don’t want to make the film anymore. I started feeling scared…
Yan Sham-Shackleton Online 